I am done. So very done with my ridiculousness. The cycle MUST stop.
Here is how it usually goes down:
1. Oh dear! The scale is so rude.
2. Time to diet! Salads and soups and running and Jillian. GO! GO! GO!
3. I hate dieting. It's so much work. I miss food. At least the scale is less mean......
4. Goal achieved! I am amazing! I rock! YAY me!!
5. I love food. We are such good friends. I deserve this pizza, this candy, this booze, this dessert, these chips. Hell, even if I'm full or don't even really like junk food, I'm going to eat it. Because I can.
6. Exercise? Right. Um, I run sometimes. But I have so many other things that have been put on hold while I was dieting. I'm going to do those things. Get caught up on life! And tv! And napping!
Later, rinse, repeat. Again and again.
The worst part? I am an idiot. I don't want the other half of the pizza. I don't like chips. I always prefer running to cleaning. What the hell is wrong with me?? Just because I'm not actively trying to lose weight doesn't mean I get to be so self indulgent. Ridiculous.
So I am done. For good.
This time I am making maintenance goals. I will be accountable. I will NOT go on a sugar-fat-carb bender. I don't even LIKE those foods. Dude.
Because, come on, exercise makes me happy. I have never wanted to be thin. I have always wanted to be fit. What good is being thin if you can't move the furniture? I love feeling strong. I know my body. My left butt muscle is stronger than my right. My right quad is stronger than my left. My shoulders are weak but my triceps build muscle quickly. My abs are great! Nothing those puppies can't handle. I relish the fluidity that strength brings to my movements.
Exercise 5 times a week. At least. Running, Jillian, whatever. For any length of time. Twenty-four minutes of 30 Day Shred? Good times.
2. No Binge Eating.
There is no need. I don't "deserve" anything. I am just me, living my life. Can I order pizza? Sure. Can I do it all the time? No. Should I eat the whole thing? Hells NO. Don't be ridiculous. Dessert. Do I like it? Kinda. Should I eat it? Sometimes. Should I eat it when I'm already full and don't really like it? NO. So many times NO.
I need to adjust my attitude. My food is my fuel. I feel best when I am eating healthy. So I should do that. Not rocket science my friends.
3. Have Something To Work Towards.
I do best with goals. And consequences. Even if that consequence is to admit that I have failed.
I am going to pick shorter term and attainable goals. This is actually harder than it seems. I'm going to continue to blog to keep me accountable.
Goals #1 and #2:
20 pull ups in a row.
Complete Jillian's Ripped in 30
My plan is to do pull-ups every day (ish) until I can do 20 in a row. To keep me motivated, I am not allowed to have any alcohol or dessert that day until I have done my pull-ups. No pull-ups? No fun.
Jillian will take me longer than 30 days because I plan to run on the off days. If I'm not running, I am Jillianing.
I am not allowed to complain about something unless I am willing to make a change. I am taking control of my life (again. As usual!). This is not allowed to go on any longer.
Wish me luck! I will, of course, keep you posted!