Thursday, November 1, 2012

Cleanse Day 3: Next up - DORITOS!!

It's done, it's done, it's done!!

The things I have learned:

1. Juice can be yucky.  And make you barf (Breanna! And almost Scott!).

2. When you drink all your meals through a straw your teeth stay very clean.  Bonus!

3. Running while cleansing just might be the stupidest idea ever.  There is certainly no eating disorder in my future.

4. Cleanse dishwashers, water bottles and poo all smell like The Cleanse.  I'm not even certain from where exactly that smell originates.  Some pureed something or other.

5. I am so very glad to be me.

Thus far I have been:
a) Scott
I found myself driving to the doctor and having missed my turn.  It was as if I had just "woken up" father along Ira Needles than I had planned.  I think I was on auto pilot to my mother's house.

b) Lisa
Cold.  So frickin' cold, all the time.  It's AWFUL. I never really understood the evils of permafrostiness until this week.  The LAYERS.  Oh the layers I had to wear.  Always bulky, never slimming.  The whole freezing-inside-for-no-reason was awful.  I can't believe Lisa has to do this every winter.  <Shudder>

c) Grumpy Person
I think I was just like normal people.  It was odd.  I didn't say hello to strangers.  I didn't hum to myself.  I didn't twirl for no reason.  I just didn't have the energy.  I miss being happy.  Like real happy.  Not the cleanse version of happy when I am happy because I am lying down.  Anywhere.

d) Anorexic Person
Horrible! Awful! Terrible! I cannot believe that people can live like this.  I am pretty convinced that between the cleanse and the run I was negative calories for the day.  Not a goal of mine.  Bad, bad plan.  It feels almost like you're drunk and trying to keep it a secret.  Woozy and off.  Not a fan.  Not one time.  I cannot CANNOT imagine feeling compelled to behave in this manner.  Not for the flattest stomach in the world would I make this my lifestyle.

6. Breanna might just be the most organized person in the whole world.  No seriously.  I may have been the person who dreamt up the idiot plan but Breanna was the driving force in making it happen.  She researched, she planned, she shopped and she juiced.  It boggles my mind how much she can get done.  (Breanna, you are AMAZING!!!).

7. Scott is lame. Normally he surprises me with his stick-to it attitude. The man loves to take on crazy and win! This time? Not so much.  Maybe he just had more toxins to purge......!!!! (Scott doesn't believe in toxins.) Regardless, he had a lot of trouble forcing himself to drink the juice.  More so than the rest of us.

8. I am not nearly as addicted to coffee as I thought I was.

9. Side benefit: The cleanse makes you SO excited for everyday eating.  I am in love with food again.  I can't  believe I ever took chewing my meals for granted!

And I think that is that.

The Cleanse wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Nevertheless I am fairly certain that I will never do one again.  Fairly.  Never say never, y'know! 


  1. SO surprised that missing coffee didn't affect you more! How was eggs benedict this morning? Have you licked a pile of salt yet?

    The Cleanse (while evil and maybe pointless) sounds like a good experience. If anything, it sounds like it really made you appreciate your normal lifestyle! I'm happy you made it through and feel good about it!

    What about the weight side of things? Did you all drop a few pounds? Is Scott underweight now :P?

  2. SO glad you reached your goal! So glad the juice is over (except the random times I miss it. Juicing is so weird)!