Exercise Update

My titles need work.  Lisa, you are making me look bad!

Regardless, here is what is up with me.

Jillian: Once.  Yup.  Lamesauce.  I did, however, run almost all the other days.  Except Monday. And Wednesday.  The children infected me with their illness and I just didn't think Jills had my best interests in mind.  Also snotting all over my yoga mat isn't my best look.

Chin-Ups: Every day! Take that, laziness!! (And turns out, Michelle, that all this time I had been doing chin-ups.  I know there are two different kinds of yank-yourself-up-using-a-bar but I get the mixed up all the time!)

 Regardless, as per my lovely photo, I am improving.  Slowly.  However, now that I can do about 20 in three attempts, meeting the goal of 20 consecutively doesn't seem so horrible.  Easy? Hells no, but doableish. (So a word).

Having goals and being accountable seems to be working.  The scale and I remain friends.  The skinny jeans are here to stay.  Hopefully.

The Cycle Ends Here and Now.

I am done.  So very done with my ridiculousness.  The cycle MUST stop.

Here is how it usually goes down:

1. Oh dear! The scale is so rude.
2. Time to diet! Salads and soups and running and Jillian.  GO! GO! GO!
3. I hate dieting. It's so much work.  I miss food.  At least the scale is less mean......
4. Goal achieved! I am amazing! I rock! YAY me!!
5. I love food. We are such good friends.  I deserve this pizza, this candy, this booze, this dessert, these chips.  Hell, even if I'm full or don't even really like junk food, I'm going to eat it.  Because I can.
6. Exercise? Right.  Um, I run sometimes.  But I have so many other things that have been put on hold while I was dieting.  I'm going to do those things.  Get caught up on life! And tv! And napping!

Later, rinse, repeat.  Again and again.

The worst part?  I am an idiot.  I don't want the other half of the pizza.  I don't like chips.  I always prefer running to cleaning.  What the hell is wrong with me??  Just because I'm not actively trying to lose weight doesn't mean I get to be so self indulgent.  Ridiculous.

So I am done.  For good.

This time I am making maintenance goals.  I will be accountable.  I will NOT go on a sugar-fat-carb bender. I don't even LIKE those foods.  Dude.

Maintenance Goals:

1. Exercise.

Because, come on, exercise makes me happy.  I have never wanted to be thin.  I have always wanted to be fit.  What good is being thin if you can't move the furniture?  I love feeling strong.  I know my body.  My left butt muscle is stronger than my right.  My right quad is stronger than my left.  My shoulders are weak but my triceps build muscle quickly.  My abs are great!  Nothing those puppies can't handle. I relish the fluidity that strength brings to my movements.

Exercise 5 times a week.  At least. Running, Jillian, whatever.  For any length of time. Twenty-four minutes of 30 Day Shred? Good times.

2. No Binge Eating.

There is no need.  I don't "deserve" anything.  I am just me, living my life.  Can I order pizza? Sure.  Can I do it all the time? No.  Should I eat the whole thing? Hells NO.  Don't be ridiculous.  Dessert.  Do I like it? Kinda.  Should I eat it? Sometimes.  Should I eat it when I'm already full and don't really like it? NO.  So many times NO.

I need to adjust my attitude.  My food is my fuel.  I feel best when I am eating healthy.  So I should do that.  Not rocket science my friends.

3. Have Something To Work Towards.

I do best with goals.  And consequences.  Even if that consequence is to admit that I have failed.

I am going to pick shorter term and attainable goals.  This is actually harder than it seems.  I'm going to continue to blog to keep me accountable.

Goals #1 and #2:

20 pull ups in a row.

Complete Jillian's Ripped in 30

My plan is to do pull-ups every day (ish) until I can do 20 in a row.  To keep me motivated, I am not allowed to have any alcohol or dessert that day until I have done my pull-ups.  No pull-ups? No fun.

Jillian will take me longer than 30 days because I plan to run on the off days.  If I'm not running, I am Jillianing.

I am not allowed to complain about something unless I am willing to make a change.  I am taking control of my life (again.  As usual!).  This is not allowed to go on any longer.

Wish me luck! I will, of course, keep you posted!

Cleanse Pictures

In case you wanted more. Because dude, you can never get enough of the cleanse!!

Breakfast Day 1.  Yum?

Bottom's up!

Poor Scott.  He didn't know what he was getting into!

Our Frenemy the Juicer.  Making, um, something to "eat".

Layers.  Delicious.

Baba!! Cutest Cleanser. I cannot believe she liked the juices.

Getting worse.  Scott is not tolerating this well......

Rob has collapsed.

Breanna has turned into a lion!!! So so so cold.

Lunch (Dinner?) in my coat.  Yes, I was THAT cold.

And the best picture........................

Ta Da!

 

Challenge Complete!!!!

Cleanse Day 3: Next up - DORITOS!!

It's done, it's done, it's done!!

The things I have learned:

1. Juice can be yucky.  And make you barf (Breanna! And almost Scott!).

2. When you drink all your meals through a straw your teeth stay very clean.  Bonus!

3. Running while cleansing just might be the stupidest idea ever.  There is certainly no eating disorder in my future.

4. Cleanse dishwashers, water bottles and poo all smell like The Cleanse.  I'm not even certain from where exactly that smell originates.  Some pureed something or other.

5. I am so very glad to be me.

Thus far I have been:
a) Scott
I found myself driving to the doctor and having missed my turn.  It was as if I had just "woken up" father along Ira Needles than I had planned.  I think I was on auto pilot to my mother's house.

b) Lisa
Cold.  So frickin' cold, all the time.  It's AWFUL. I never really understood the evils of permafrostiness until this week.  The LAYERS.  Oh the layers I had to wear.  Always bulky, never slimming.  The whole freezing-inside-for-no-reason was awful.  I can't believe Lisa has to do this every winter.  <Shudder>

c) Grumpy Person
I think I was just like normal people.  It was odd.  I didn't say hello to strangers.  I didn't hum to myself.  I didn't twirl for no reason.  I just didn't have the energy.  I miss being happy.  Like real happy.  Not the cleanse version of happy when I am happy because I am lying down.  Anywhere.

d) Anorexic Person
Horrible! Awful! Terrible! I cannot believe that people can live like this.  I am pretty convinced that between the cleanse and the run I was negative calories for the day.  Not a goal of mine.  Bad, bad plan.  It feels almost like you're drunk and trying to keep it a secret.  Woozy and off.  Not a fan.  Not one time.  I cannot CANNOT imagine feeling compelled to behave in this manner.  Not for the flattest stomach in the world would I make this my lifestyle.

6. Breanna might just be the most organized person in the whole world.  No seriously.  I may have been the person who dreamt up the idiot plan but Breanna was the driving force in making it happen.  She researched, she planned, she shopped and she juiced.  It boggles my mind how much she can get done.  (Breanna, you are AMAZING!!!).

7. Scott is lame. Normally he surprises me with his stick-to it attitude. The man loves to take on crazy and win! This time? Not so much.  Maybe he just had more toxins to purge......!!!! (Scott doesn't believe in toxins.) Regardless, he had a lot of trouble forcing himself to drink the juice.  More so than the rest of us.

8. I am not nearly as addicted to coffee as I thought I was.

9. Side benefit: The cleanse makes you SO excited for everyday eating.  I am in love with food again.  I can't  believe I ever took chewing my meals for granted!

And I think that is that.

The Cleanse wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Nevertheless I am fairly certain that I will never do one again.  Fairly.  Never say never, y'know! 

Cleanse Day 2

Morning weigh-in: 134 lbs
Bedtime weigh-in: 132 lbs

The cleanse is working!

Kinda.

I am not experiencing the cleanse in the way I thought that I would.  No purging.  No emergency bathroom trips.  Nada.

I am experiencing hunger.  And grumpiness.  Oh the great grumpiness.

I love my children but they are making me crazy!!!!! I'm sure that it's not their fault.  It can't be.  Unless they have been swapped for mischievous doppelgangers.  It must be the cleanse.

I am so ready to be done.  I miss salt.  More than caffeine.  More than alcohol.  More than fat or protein or sugar. Oh salt, you are my best friend.  You are my hero. You make all food better!  Come baaaaaack!!!

I had an accidental nap this afternoon.  Cleansing is exhausting.

Two down, one to go!

Cleanse Day 1 (and a weigh-in)

Monday's weight: 135 (WHAT THE F**K OFF?!?!?)
Tuesday's weight: 136 (You have GOT to be kidding me)

It seems as though I am starting my cleanse back at my starting weight.  Really now.

I'm almost positive the weight gain isn't an actual weight gain.  More of a bloat disaster.  It's Premenstrual Hell Week y'know.

Regardless, it's CLEANSE DAY!!!

Day 1 has been an experience. I drank some things I didn't even know were vegetables in their previous life. I gagged on many a meal.  MANY.

The Good:

I'm not all that hungry
I don't miss food.  No.  Wait.  I do miss food.  I just don't miss it like I thought I would.
Coffee? Shmoffee.  Didn't miss it today.  Ok, only a little.

The Bad:

Cranky.  So much cranky.  The poor children.  Patience left with solid food.  Damn she's fickle!
Slight headache.  Minor but irritating.
I am SO cold.  SO cold. Very very weird.

The Ugly:

Sad sad sick Scott.  Barf bucket sick. The cleanse does not like Scott very much.

The Best:

Spending so much time with Robert and Breanna.

Honestly, suffering together is kinda fun.  It's going to be one of those things that I will never do again but will always remember fondly.  Nothing forges you together like a ridiculous challenge.

Quote of the Day:

From the bathroom

Scott: Aaaahhhhhh

At the kitchen table

Breanna to Krista: Do you want to go check on him?? (insert worried frown)

Krista: Yeeeaahhh......

From the bathroom:

Scott: No! I'm ok! My poo just smells like juice!!! EW!!! 

(Which of course made him gag.  Double ew.)

I suspect Day 2 is going to be a whole hell of a lot worse than Day 1.  At least I can take heart that by lunch time the whole darn thing will be half over!
 

Challenge Complete!

In happier (less whiny) news, I have completed my push-up challenge!!!

Never under estimate my desire to prove myself post fight-with-my-husband!!!

First set: 26
Second set: 15
Third set: 10

Total: 51

I went over by rote.  I forgot that I was done.  Whoops.

I should have timed myself between sets.  There were less than a minute apart.  Just enough time to curse and send the blood scurrying around my body looking for more oxygen.

I may never lift anything again, but it's done. 

I haven't been training outright for this challenge.  I have, however, been Jillian-ing.  And as everyone knows, it's her favourite strength exercise.  How could I not improve?!

Two down, one to go!!

Fat. Fatty fat fat.

I know better than to blog when I am emotional.  I do.  But sometimes I like to ignore that little voice in my head telling me that I should be reasonable.  Because I can.

This week's weight: 134lbs
Goal weight: 130lbs

The weight is still a goal.  Because, according to my very lovely husband "you still have weight you could lose".  Which, he did clarify to say, meant that I am not yet anorexic (actually, the term he used was "growing fur" but I made the leap.).

I know what he's trying to say.  Scott is telling me that:

a) I knew what I was getting into
b) I am disrespecting the integrity of the challenge

But what I hear is that I'm fat.

FAT.

I know better.  I know that I'm not fat.  My head understands that weight doesn't matter, it's how I feel about my body.  It's that I feel strong and healthy.

My self esteem still hears it.  The dreaded "F" word. 

He didn't tell me I'm fat.  Not exactly.  He went so far as to preface his comments with "I'm not saying that you're fat".  Regardless, hearing the words "You have weight to lose" and "You should keep on losing weight" hurt.  A lot.

It doesn't matter how many time HE tells me that it's not what he was saying.  It doesn't matter how many times I tell myself that that isn't what he was saying.  The echo of the feeling resonates through me.

fat, fat, fat, fat, fat.

I work so hard and (usually) feel so good about myself.  A lot of my healthy body image is comes from the knowledge that Scott finds me attractive.  Well, that, and shopping for clothes!

So, what am I going to do about it?

What? You mean I can't just complain about a problem? I actually need to fix this frickin' mess?

Fine.

First: I'm going to cry until I feel better.

Second: Diet, diet, diet! And go.

Third: Prioritize.  Make the time, every day, for my diet.  Too frickin' bad if it gets in the way of laundry or dishes.  You wanted me to do this?  I will. (Implied: So there!)

Fourth: If I don't make it, then I don't make it.  Missing one year of drinking at Christmas won't kill me.  I can dd everyone everywhere.  I won't tell anyone why I can't drink and let them think I'm pregnant.

Pity party over.  Mostly.

I think Sunday should have been the new Monday!

Dammit! My friend frienemy the scale needs to go to hell and die. 

Sunday morning: 134lbs
Monday morning: 137lbs
Tuesday morning: 135lbs (after breakfast)

It seems as though I am losing weight.  I feel hungry enough that I should be losing weight.  Sadly, it doesn't always work that way.  Next week should help determine if there is a downward trend.

The good news (when you are an optimist there is always good news!) is that I have been sincerely enjoying getting back together with Jillian.  She is my friend.  Always yelling at me to do that one last push-up, hold that idiot squat for 5 more seconds.

I love feeling strong.  Thanks for that Jills.

Oh! And there's more! I'm not yet tired of salad(s) and soup(s).  The dieters bread and butter, those two. 

Finally, my jeans fit better.  Fat jeans, you are OUT!  Skinny jeans, get ready, I'm coming for you!

It's Weekly Update time!

Except, actually, it's past weekly update time.  Because today is Wednesday.  Not Monday.  But dude, I'm BUSY.  So very busy.  You have no idea.

Fine.  You do have an idea because the only people reading this are up on my life and it's insane details.  So you get it!!  Hurrah!!

Starting weight: 141lbs
Last week's weight: 136lbs
This week's weight: 136lbs

Because I suck.

Between the funeral, the memorial, house guests, out of town relatives (Steven and Michelle, I'm looking at you!), I cut myself some slack.  A lot of slack.  I rock that way.

But, hey! I didn't gain weight.  AND my period is due anysecondnow (my bloating and my acne are a dead give away.  And my crazy! Can't forget the crazy!).  Also, the scale was nicer to me on Tuesday.  Hopefully next week will be better.

Honestly, I don't care.  A couple of bad weeks are no big deal in the long run.  I will fix it. It will get better.  I will find that wagon and jump right back on.

Take that diet!

Low Calorie Homemade Ranch Salad Dressing

I was looking for a new salad dressing recipe. A creamy one. Something delicious.

And here it is!

Ranch Dressing 

1/4 cup buttermilk
1/4 cup light mayonnaise (I actually did use the light mayo. Even though I think it's evil)
1/4 cup low fat sour cream (ditto on the sour cream)
2 tbsp water
1 tbsp minced shallot or red onion
1 tbsp fresh cilantro (I did NOT use this. Yuck!)
1 tbsp fresh lemon juice (I didn't have any lemons. So lime juice it was!)
2 tsp minced fresh dill (um, again, no fresh dill. Dried went in.)
1/2 tsp garlic powder (would you believe I only had fresh garlic. 1 clove, pressed.)
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
Pinch cayenne pepper

Whisk all the ingredients together (I used a measuring cup) until smooth.

And guess who ate it???? SCOTT!!! I know. Ridiculous!!!!!

It turned out well. Despite my substitutions. The fresh dill would have made it better but in a pinch the dried stuff was good.

ENJOY!!

Only 30 calories for 2 tablespoons.

Yes, that would be 1/2 the calories for typical oil and vinegar dressings.

Like I said, enjoy!

It's Monday. Time for an Update!

Starting weight: 141
Saturday's weight: 136
Goal weight: 130
Pounds to go: 6

Still.  I didn't bother to weigh myself Sunday and I forgot to weigh myself this morning.  No seriously, Scott brought coffee and smoothie to wake me up this morning and I didn't hop up and run to the bathroom scale before indulging.  See.... it can happen!!

On the plus side, this week I ran a whopping 54km.  Of course, I have managed to hurt my foot (what? huh? NOOOOO!!!) and am heading to the doctor tomorrow to ensure that it isn't a stress fracture.  Fingers crossed Dr. Let's Check Everything says that I'm ok to keep running.

I was originally planning to post that one of my goals was to ban alcohol this week.  And then I remembered that we have out of town guests.  People, I am going to need to drink.  Next week.  Next week I will be better.  This week I will exercise my ass off (hopefully literally) to compensate for the extra calories.  I promise!

Running Song of the Week:


Makes me happy.  Every time.

Natural Consequences

Oh the shame. 

Question: What happens when you spend 2 months eating whatever you want, drinking on a whim and not excercising?  Not even one iota?

Answer: A cruel relationship with your bathroom scale.

I hit my highest weight this summer in, um, ever.  Ok, fine, so that's a bald face lie.  I hit my highest weight since losing all the baby weight.  Four years ago. 

Balls.

Clearly a weight loss blog was just what I needed (thank you Breanna!).

Goals:

1. Lose 11lbs

2. Run 100km in one week

3. Do 50 push-ups.  In no more that 3 reps.

How am I doing?

Starting weight (post-camping): 141lbs (I KNOW!!! THE SHAME!!!!!!)
Current weight: 136lbs

I have been running about 50kms a week.  I tried some push-ups and can only manage about 20 before I want to fall down and die.  It wasn't my favourite.  There is definitely much work to do.

Fat pants, I hope never to need you again.  For reals this time.  I will, however, keep you in my closet, if for no other reason, to mock you! For being so ridiculously large! Ha! Only, not yet.  Right now, I still need you......

Only 11 weeks to go!!!