Cleanse Day 3: Next up - DORITOS!!

It's done, it's done, it's done!!

The things I have learned:

1. Juice can be yucky.  And make you barf (Breanna! And almost Scott!).

2. When you drink all your meals through a straw your teeth stay very clean.  Bonus!

3. Running while cleansing just might be the stupidest idea ever.  There is certainly no eating disorder in my future.

4. Cleanse dishwashers, water bottles and poo all smell like The Cleanse.  I'm not even certain from where exactly that smell originates.  Some pureed something or other.

5. I am so very glad to be me.

Thus far I have been:
a) Scott
I found myself driving to the doctor and having missed my turn.  It was as if I had just "woken up" father along Ira Needles than I had planned.  I think I was on auto pilot to my mother's house.

b) Lisa
Cold.  So frickin' cold, all the time.  It's AWFUL. I never really understood the evils of permafrostiness until this week.  The LAYERS.  Oh the layers I had to wear.  Always bulky, never slimming.  The whole freezing-inside-for-no-reason was awful.  I can't believe Lisa has to do this every winter.  <Shudder>

c) Grumpy Person
I think I was just like normal people.  It was odd.  I didn't say hello to strangers.  I didn't hum to myself.  I didn't twirl for no reason.  I just didn't have the energy.  I miss being happy.  Like real happy.  Not the cleanse version of happy when I am happy because I am lying down.  Anywhere.

d) Anorexic Person
Horrible! Awful! Terrible! I cannot believe that people can live like this.  I am pretty convinced that between the cleanse and the run I was negative calories for the day.  Not a goal of mine.  Bad, bad plan.  It feels almost like you're drunk and trying to keep it a secret.  Woozy and off.  Not a fan.  Not one time.  I cannot CANNOT imagine feeling compelled to behave in this manner.  Not for the flattest stomach in the world would I make this my lifestyle.

6. Breanna might just be the most organized person in the whole world.  No seriously.  I may have been the person who dreamt up the idiot plan but Breanna was the driving force in making it happen.  She researched, she planned, she shopped and she juiced.  It boggles my mind how much she can get done.  (Breanna, you are AMAZING!!!).

7. Scott is lame. Normally he surprises me with his stick-to it attitude. The man loves to take on crazy and win! This time? Not so much.  Maybe he just had more toxins to purge......!!!! (Scott doesn't believe in toxins.) Regardless, he had a lot of trouble forcing himself to drink the juice.  More so than the rest of us.

8. I am not nearly as addicted to coffee as I thought I was.

9. Side benefit: The cleanse makes you SO excited for everyday eating.  I am in love with food again.  I can't  believe I ever took chewing my meals for granted!

And I think that is that.

The Cleanse wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Nevertheless I am fairly certain that I will never do one again.  Fairly.  Never say never, y'know! 

Cleanse Day 2

Morning weigh-in: 134 lbs
Bedtime weigh-in: 132 lbs

The cleanse is working!

Kinda.

I am not experiencing the cleanse in the way I thought that I would.  No purging.  No emergency bathroom trips.  Nada.

I am experiencing hunger.  And grumpiness.  Oh the great grumpiness.

I love my children but they are making me crazy!!!!! I'm sure that it's not their fault.  It can't be.  Unless they have been swapped for mischievous doppelgangers.  It must be the cleanse.

I am so ready to be done.  I miss salt.  More than caffeine.  More than alcohol.  More than fat or protein or sugar. Oh salt, you are my best friend.  You are my hero. You make all food better!  Come baaaaaack!!!

I had an accidental nap this afternoon.  Cleansing is exhausting.

Two down, one to go!

Cleanse Day 1 (and a weigh-in)

Monday's weight: 135 (WHAT THE F**K OFF?!?!?)
Tuesday's weight: 136 (You have GOT to be kidding me)

It seems as though I am starting my cleanse back at my starting weight.  Really now.

I'm almost positive the weight gain isn't an actual weight gain.  More of a bloat disaster.  It's Premenstrual Hell Week y'know.

Regardless, it's CLEANSE DAY!!!

Day 1 has been an experience. I drank some things I didn't even know were vegetables in their previous life. I gagged on many a meal.  MANY.

The Good:

I'm not all that hungry
I don't miss food.  No.  Wait.  I do miss food.  I just don't miss it like I thought I would.
Coffee? Shmoffee.  Didn't miss it today.  Ok, only a little.

The Bad:

Cranky.  So much cranky.  The poor children.  Patience left with solid food.  Damn she's fickle!
Slight headache.  Minor but irritating.
I am SO cold.  SO cold. Very very weird.

The Ugly:

Sad sad sick Scott.  Barf bucket sick. The cleanse does not like Scott very much.

The Best:

Spending so much time with Robert and Breanna.

Honestly, suffering together is kinda fun.  It's going to be one of those things that I will never do again but will always remember fondly.  Nothing forges you together like a ridiculous challenge.

Quote of the Day:

From the bathroom

Scott: Aaaahhhhhh

At the kitchen table

Breanna to Krista: Do you want to go check on him?? (insert worried frown)

Krista: Yeeeaahhh......

From the bathroom:

Scott: No! I'm ok! My poo just smells like juice!!! EW!!! 

(Which of course made him gag.  Double ew.)

I suspect Day 2 is going to be a whole hell of a lot worse than Day 1.  At least I can take heart that by lunch time the whole darn thing will be half over!